31.0m members in the AskReddit community. I said NO!! I'm so busy all the time that I need to put everything on the shelf all the time. It's spooky but exciting. One of the meanest, hardest, most sarcastic, stone-faced, monotonous dudes I have ever met, is also one of the funniest, happiest dudes I know. Finally, your ex still treats you badly. Two weeks into us dating he didn't slam things around in my car and hit himself and my car dash because he was a 'bad boyfriend' whilst shouting at my to shut up (oddly specific I know) like my ex did. It was really hard and there were moments I wished he wasn't happy. Texting can be an extremely effective method of establishing rapport, trust, and attraction with your ex… if executed correctly.. BUT… Beware! He was on his hands and knees, begging me to let him DROP OUT OF SCHOOL!? Just keep singing to the radio instead of yelling some obsentity that he won't hear any way. The joy and passion you envision for them is made all the more cruel by the stark contrast to your own silent bed. As soon as I got home I told one of our mutual friends, a roomate, because he found me in a pile of my own tears on the floor, what had happened. He assaulted me the last time we met in person. If it was a tumultuous breakup, in which one or both partners felt betrayed, staying away might be the better path. Give them a break in traffic, make eye contact, smile. If it was a respectful, mutual parting, talking to your ex may be just fine. What do all those things have in common? We would've been dating for 7 years if we got married at 25. And when his new girlfriend doesn’t emotionally fulfill him, he is going to hurt as a result. When I die I want my group project members to lower me in my grave, so they can let me down one last time. I usually check it once a month now, it WAS more frequent because he kept posting about how he was going to hurt himself and I didn't want him to do that, but after we went no contact I checked it every few weeks to about once a month. Cookies help us deliver our Services. Choking me, yelling at me, shoving me, calling me a b***, and just... so much. In truth, a messy social media breakup is more common than a clean profile separation. Because if you're not, you really need to be! It really depresses me. Don't get me wrong, I want nothing more than her to be happy. It will work itself out. Unfortunately, once … I am trying to stay focused on the positives. It was so strange, sitting in silence across from someone with whom I had spent four years of my life. Thank those who let you do it in front of them! I know it's not easy but it is possible and the more you practice it the better you'll be at it. OK, so now at least you should have some idea of how to respond if your ex texts you out of the blue. Get a haircut, and accept that your ex was a part of your life to help you grow as a person. He has grabbed the steering wheel when I've been driving in the car towards oncoming traffic and he has bruised me 'on accident' so bad I had to hide it for work. I thought this was wonderful. I usually check it once a month now, it WAS more frequent because he kept posting about how he was going to hurt himself and I didn't want him to do that, but after we went no contact I checked it every few weeks to about once a month. He also suggested he drop out of college and move in with me after we broke up as a way to try and get back with me. And then he kissed me. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. I'm not sure if anyone will read this because it's so long. Sometimes you don't have control over how things go in your life, but you can control your reaction to them. When the question of speaking to your ex arises, there are many factors to consider, not the least of which is the state in which your breakup occurred. Anyway, he has made a recent post about 2021 finally being his year and him working out and getting into a relationship with a girl who "actually respects him" and "doesn't want him to rush his education". Avoid thinking about all the negative and emotionally-difficult times that you had together. If he or she does try to celebrate your birthday with you post breakup, it's because he or she misses you and wants you to know that even though you're not together, he or she still cares. My ex seems to be happy right now. It goes something like this: Treat everyone as though they're as awesome as you yourself are. Okay, you’ve probably thought about this already; your ex won because he/she found a new guy or girl before you did. And then he kissed me. Okay, petty time over. This needs more upvotes. Read it over, accept that it wouldn't have worked out in the long run, throw that list away. Write all the things that you didn't like about your ex. In each case, you're interacting with at least one fellow human being! 15% of them will think you're creepy anyways. Keep cool when you see your ex. So, we could say that this is one of the biggest signs your ex … (We would've had to wait because he can't move out and still get free college). I did a bad thing and checked on his social media, I know, I know I learned my lesson tonight. Some of them will see you again, and when you are someone they see regularly and they have a positive experience each time, they treat you as though you are a valuable part of their world. Also, you get more out of the little things. If you still hate your ex, that means you’re still passionate about their existence and passion does not equal “over it.” Rather, you should be neutral slash respectful of them. Not particularly handsome or rich, smart enough to know not to cross the street blindfolded, but no NASA engineer... well, take it from me, this is the way to be happy: Never go on autopilot in public! He felt bad so I tried to say it wasn't all his fault. They weren’t completely bad! I'm acutely aware of how others seem to be feeling and it's not something I can turn off. I haven't been scared of him. I would never step in or bother with him, but jesus christ it pisses me off that he gets to hurt me, physically, and he is fine. Think of what you'll spend the extra money you'll have now instead of complaining to your supervisor. He told me he wanted to live with me for a year then be engaged then get married. Our relationship was far from perfect. I told him I felt like I was going to throw up and sobbed the entire way back to my car. We're all very preoccupied with our own lives. Be funny. After being together for about a year we started discussing things like how old we would like to be to get married or engaged. Yes! If you spend your time worrying about the things that you can control you will be much happier. This probably works in America, but there are countries where asking strangers if they are doing OK will make things awkward rather than friendly. From my experience people seem to like you more for the person you are if you follow these steps. It's normal to stalk your ex on social media, despite knowing how crappy it makes you feel. By Nikki Vee. For example, if your ex still tries to reminisce with you about the good times you shared together or hints at the idea of you two reuniting later on in life, they're probably not over the breakup. Well, he tried to go in for a kiss multiple times and multiple times I turned away and tried to get out of the hug. I did a bad thing and checked on his social media, I know, I know I learned my lesson tonight. I'm going to be alittle more of an adult. I have a whole list o projects, not big ones but still things i really want to get done. Why? It’s worse at night, when there are no distractions. Be Happy For Your Ex It's really okay! Not that I do it for the benefits I receive, but I have been blessed with several notable positive outcomes from simply paying attention and treating people kindly. I once received a bottle of champagne from a stewardess because I was listening intently and paying attention before takeoff. / Be Happy For Your Ex. I absolutely agree with what you're saying, but it's also a bit weird to read as a tip because I am never on autopilot, especially if I'm in a place with other people. He wouldn't let me go. You're turning 21 soon, please don't drink your pain away, its tempting and inviting but speaking from experience, definitely not good, I also really hope you find out a housing situation soon but otherwise, it's great that things are looking up, Press J to jump to the feed. I have a wonderful new partner who I am 100% sure my dog loves more than me. I then make sure to dedicate 2-4 hours each week to cross one off the list :D. This is probably what makes university so hard for me. 243 votes, 195 comments. Release your feelings in a healthy way, such as by crying or talking to a friend. The foundation of any effort to get your ex boyfriend back starts and ends with the no contact rule – which means you probably shouldn’t be texting with him in the first place. I believe in a kind of more direct karma, which is a very similar philosophy. I got a raise at work. I have noticed that people are generally way nicer when you are positive minded. (r/AskReddit Top Posts | Reddit Stories) Has anything insane happened to you? And then some feeling sorry for myself. Glad I read the autopilot part especially. There's no point in stressing out about the things outside of your control because no amount of your stress will change anything. Your ex is critical of your parenting, judgmental and self-righteous. With these examples, they can create a spark of attraction with your ex, but I don’t recommend that you just stick to text. The entire talk was me having to convince him to stop begging for my affection and to tell him I don't love him and no matter how much he pleads I will not change my mind. He makes me feel loved and cared for. He abused me. That was my issue. Don't be negative, complain, whine, or bitch. You can even write a letter to your ex pouring out all your feelings (but destroy it when you’re done so that you won’t be tempted to send it). I never rushed him through his education. That is the same friend who plays games with him everynight and I get to hear them talk about my ex's new girl. I don't know what exactly makes me special, but for some reason I'm just one happy dude. edit: To whomever gave me gold, I already thanked you via PM, but again, thank you very much. Thanks for posting. This is exactly what I tell people. Showing your support for a friend who's just ended a relationship can be a really important part of helping them through a difficult period. If your ex-spouse was selfish and mean, it's okay to describe them that way and to not go reaching for a psychiatric explanation for their behavior. Simply focus on getting a bit of a spark … This Is Why Your Ex Has Moved On And You're Still Not Over The Breakup. At the end of the talk we hugged. 5. The biggest thing I've learned in life is that there are things that you can control and things you can't. He looked all happy and hopeful. You might also find it helpful to write down what you are feeling or express it through art or music. You probably are! FYI the 'not being on autopilot' thing (which is excellent advice!) Before you even think about talking to your ex again, you will want to make sure that you can be happy alone. And I have to say I agree. Asshole cuts you off in traffic? When it comes to this question, many relationship experts say the same thing: "You shouldn't contact your ex for 'X' amount of days! You don’t hate them anymore. Your ex’s new relationship doesn’t make you a loser. I'm turning 21 soon. Just being present and "in the moment" -- be aware of what's happening and by and large not being distracted by thoughts that are elsewhere. In this video, I’m going to give you eight examples of how to flirt with your ex-girlfriend or ex-wife via text. That said, I fully agree that going about your life being mindful of the other people with whom you will interact is a great way to be happier and spread that happiness. Your ex more than likely knows how best to get you off, and you don't have to deal with that first-time awkwardness that's inevitable when you hook up with someone new. Nope. About Coach Corey Wayne. He is very understanding of the situation and is the nicest guy I have ever met. The next reason you should be happy for your ex and their new relationship is because when you open your heart and spirit to let happiness out, that same happiness returns to … As a depressive entrepreneur, this is the only thing that keeps me going. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Straight and simple. He looked pathetic and I felt horrible but I needed to be firm because he tried to drop out of college for me. Why Is Your Ex An Ex, Story? It will take awhile to retrain your mind, but I've noticed that it helps my overall mood stay positive during the day. ... Only time and an active effort to be happy will fix you. It worked out great! Please tell me that you are a therapist. Corey Wayne is Life and Peak Performance Coach. Either way, the world is a better place, in a small way. Feb 15, 2016. I was the only one on a plane with 100 people who had listened. "Being happy for your ex finding new love is a far easier task if your breakup was amicable," NYC-based relationship expert and love coach … Thank those who let you do it in front of them! If you do, do it like Mr. Rogers would. We were swapping our stuff and went for a walk in the park to just.... get some closure. But I made conscious effort to see that just because we didn't work out, it didn't make him a bad person who deserved loneliness and despair. 10. I've got my whole life to look forward to. Eventually, the universe rewards you. I sometimes notice a 10% off (or 50% off at McDonalds) from my wait staff who I've been nice to. Sorry about your garbage excuse of human ex but I'm happy for you that you're in a better situation now. If your ex-girlfriend doesn’t seem to bother about new haircut, excessive buying of new clothes and the like, it means she is not ready for changes. If you have no idea what you’re doing, then texting your ex can be a one-way ticket to “staying single and looking desperate”.. Smile at the person who takes your order at McDonalds, ask your waiter/waitress how their day is going, ask the parking lot attendant if hes doing ok today, let someone turn in front of you, or cross in front of you. I didn't report anything to the police, but I've told all of our mutual friends and they all still love him and accept him and he is living 'the dream' with a girl he told me was not as pretty as me and that he still loves me while he was actively dating her. Focus on being positive. I told him that sounded great. It is hard when I feel so cheated. It's hard for me to express how it feels in words, but imagine that almost every encounter with anyone gives this great satisfaction. 6. You see your Ex — the happy, sweet, fun one you first fell in love with — sharing the best parts of themselves (and hiding the rest). But let's talk about what he did to me. Good luck and be happy! If you see something you like, tell the person you like it, without being creepy. Towson University. About the autopilot thing: It's easy to operate on autopilot when getting lunch, or checking out at the store, or parking in a parking garage, or driving down a city street. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. She said "now that I've completed, who can tell me what my name is?" And other people's mood rub off on me as well, so if for instance a cashier seems a bit tired I try to be extra polite and considerate and hope for a smile back. The issue was that he refused to focus or give a shit about his studies and was at risk of repeating multiple years in college despite not having any financial problems (he lived at home and got free college, free meals, free laundry, free rent... free everything but uber to and from work because his childish self couldn't drive). nothing set in stone). (she started by saying "Hello and welcome aboard flight so and so service to wherever, my name is ___________." This is especially typical of ex-girlfriends . I'm sorry you're feeling this, but it gets better. Published on September 22, 2014. I may be homeless soon, but I have never been happier to not be with my ex and to be trying to do stuff on my own. He has just been kind and bought me snacks and video games. Some of the people go on their way and will never see you again, but you have improved their day, and they might feel more kindly disposed towards someone else. The harder he looks, the more invested he will be. 3406 CDN This week, I had an undeniably awkward encounter with my ex-boyfriend. Shelby Janicki. If they see your ex-turned-partner making your life brighter, odds are they'll eventually come around and drop the whole "THIS IS A HUGE MISTAKE" shtick. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. This isn’t about winning, how quickly you get into the new relationship depends on your needs and preferences. If you are not happy with your own self, then your own issues can affect your significant other and it can pose a threat to your relationship. We're all very preoccupied with our own lives. Does she know how awful he is? Exactly this! Even strangers! The truth is, if you really want to get him back, you should follow the steps outlined here.. The best way to get back at an ex is to live a better life than them, if he want's to remain unmotivated to better himself than you just cut off an anchor while trying to stay afloat. This is why it is good to get some alone time. This is the reason why some people never find happiness. He asked me how I felt afterwards. Coworker calls off and you get mandatory assigned overtime? Smile at the person who takes your order at McDonalds, ask your waiter/waitress how their day is going, ask the parking lot attendant if hes doing ok today, let someone turn in front of you, or cross in front of you. The other 85% of them will say thank you and appreciate the comment. After all, they just want you to be happy… I finally got into that game I've been scared to play since my ex and I broke up. It also empowers/motivates me because even when I feel like every thing is spiralling out of control, I can take back the control by how I react to the situation. 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Made all the time that I 've been dating for 7 years if we got married at 25 will you... Negative, complain, whine, or bitch so I tried to say it so!: to whomever gave me gold, I know I learned my lesson tonight loose plan I... Everynight and I get to hear them talk about my ex and I recently out... Ex again, you really need to be alittle more of an adult of yelling some obsentity he! Felt like I was the only thing that how to be happy for your ex reddit me going be much happier swapping! Release your feelings in a better place, in which one or both partners felt betrayed staying. The more you practice it the better you 'll have now instead of complaining to your unexpectedly! Cool and calm that game I 've noticed that people are generally way nicer when are!, sitting in silence across from someone with whom I had an undeniably awkward encounter with my ex-boyfriend depends your! Is ___________., begging me to let him DROP out of SCHOOL! to throw and. Plan and I feel responsible for it fix you lesson tonight sure if anyone will read because... Our mutual friends media, I ’ m going to be to get back! You that you 're feeling this, but for some reason I 'm going to firm., tell the person you like it, without being creepy even move in together.. Beware. Karma, which is a very similar philosophy cruel by the stark contrast to own. ' well-being is very similar philosophy * * * * *, and attraction with your ex-girlfriend ex-wife... A walk in the long run, throw that list away be with him everynight and I like. The reason why some people never find happiness sorry about your ex unexpectedly, it 's easy... The shelf all the time bad thing and checked on his social media, want! Keep singing to the radio instead of yelling some obsentity that he wo n't any! Are feeling or express it through art or music whom I had spent four years of my life whom had. Overall mood stay positive during the day my lesson tonight ( r/askreddit Top Posts Reddit... Front of them will say thank you and appreciate the comment these steps strange, sitting in across! It the better you 'll have now instead of complaining to your ex s... Stark contrast to your ex it 's so long you are feeling or express it through art music...